Renegade Footsteps

how I wanto/live this life

2005-10-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

Man, I have updated since the SEVENTH! I know my masses of sycophantic fans have missed me ;)

My "Christian Birthday" (referring to the day of my being called by Christ, I like to call it my "rebirthday") was Tuesday (the 25th of October). I didn't tell anyone but my dear Casee about it. Most people don't really understand how important, joyful, world-changing, ineffable event that was. So, I'm officially three years old! w00t! I've been reflecting on how much has gone on in those three tiny years. I started out as an ignorant, loving, quite misguided individual who went around to AOL messageboards expecting to convert people to Christ by being a belligerent, illogical debater who ran from debates after two posts (well, I still do that, but only because I get bored or forget which thread it was on + laziness. I'm so changed, I'm essentially the same person, though. Now look at me! A bleeding heart liberal, vegan, poet, who *gasp* doesn't go to church every nanosecond the doors or opened nor attend every FISH meeting. Admittedly, that sort of thing faded quickly, especially the latter. I'm more "open-minded" to some things, more "closed-minded" to others, I see some connections with the Truth and with other (false) religions, and I don't like religion to boot. I depend more and less on God, I'm constantly running away but then begging for Jesus' saving grace. I don't run around choking people with death hugs anymore, but I think I love people even more now.

meh...suddenly don't want to write anymore.

titleness

2005-10-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'm an awful person. I meant to call Lacy but I didn't! And now it's 9:45ish so she can't get phone calls anymore 'cause she be grounded until Saturday *sigh* ANd I didn't call Chris...or Melanie...or anyone. Why am I like this?!? blah! I wanna call Chris tomorrow...I shall!

Master plan for this weekend*:
-update xanga and blog, perhaps get a skin for the xanga.
-possibly start Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
-Go to bed when I want

-arise when body is inclined to rouse. Then pee, read the Bible, as usual.
-make some oatmeal
-while oatmeal cooks, take a nice hot shower and complete hygiene-osity.
-Research recipes to make with the crockpot this week & maybe plan some meals
-do a little homework (not History! yay!)
-go for a walk and/or do yoga
-go to the store (?)
-cook dinner
-make bran muffins (they're really good!! Well, okay not eating mealted chocolate good, but tasty. Let's all say it... "mMmMmMmm, FIBRE!")

-Church, etc.
-homework
-read and write
-cook
-sleep
-no history homework this week! yahoo!

*these plans are null and void if someone calls me and says "hey! wanna hang out?!"

Seriously, Lacy and Melanie are the only two female friends I've had in a lllloooonnnngggg time (or maybe even ever) that call of their own volition and seemt oe njoy my company on a regular basis. This si amazing. I love you guys :D

fffrrreee!

2005-10-04T16:30:00.000-07:00

w00t! I am actually free to make a blog posting! Those of you who know of it, I did update my xanga the other day. SO I am still alive, though, I'm probably talking to the cyber-air seein' as how only two people read this and they're busy nowadays.

Alright, just a moment, I need to ease into my halls of memory so I can give you a good, solid update. OKay. Here we go.

(Last) Thursday...parent teacher conferences! It was amusing, Dad is very er...forceful with teachers sometimes. It's a bit embarassing sometimes. Somehow, an act of Yahweh no doubt, I got a 101 average in Geometry!!! He graded the last test on a curve, and there was bonus, so the grade for my test was 113 (I reckon that means I earned a 93 or so)! I made a Big, Bloated B in History. Yes, I failed you Chris! (Fer the record, I think I did really well on the Islam test Monday, so hopefully it'll budge up me grade + the quiz grade notes we turned in on World Religions...) English is actually not a class I really look forward to right now...tone analysis is monumentally boring, and we're doing grammar next week! Ugh! (I like Spanish and French grammar, but English...nnnooo!) I just want to get to Literature! I wish I could just take a "Pre-AP Literature & Creative Writing" course, I wonder if they exist? Anywho, I wasn't there when mis padres talked to Mrs. Corlee. Spanish and French are going really well :D I ended up giving a nutrition lecture to Sra. Pinkerton, it was an odd situation.

After all that (as we had Friday off), Bobby, Melanie, Lacy, and I went to see The Corpse Bride. It was really good! It was moving and beautiful - especially the end. True love winning out, finding freedom, all that good stuff we romantics love (and even logicians should love it too!). Then we trotted over to A&W and they had some food, they didn't like my cookies *sob* but they were a bit salty. I swear I am going to make something they like one of these days! Funny thing: Melanie and Bobby were in line, Lacy and I were over by the soda fountain and I was teasing them (lovingly) so Lacy and I bust out laughing. Melanie came over and tried to tickle me, but I shrieked REALLY loud, seriously...it echoed. It was hysterical. I've probably said this 133,683,009,567,698,006,002 times, but my favourite thing to do with people is to go to a movie and then just hang out, talk, debate, ruminate, wander around, just be with them. After that, we went to Hastings where Melanie chased Lacy and I because she thought we had a secret but she already knew about it (Lacy messed up one of her mangas or something). THen we just sat around until 10:55 when Dad called and said he wanted to come get us. Then Lacy and Melanie spent the night, it was fun...but when we three are together is there any chance of it being boring? Lacy also spent Friday o'er here, she taught me how to braid! yay for domestic skills! <3>Melanie's petit ami (boyfriend, yes - one word, not separated. It is, in fact, a boyfriend and not a boy-that-is-a-friend)! I dunno if I was blogging at the time, but I met him last year at the 8th Grade Orientation night, he showed me how to headbang (wasted his knowledge on me - gives meh a headache) and was generally amusing. Cool guy. I guess he and Melanie have been going out..oh, a week and half? teehee. They complement each other very well. They have similar personalities, but they're different enough that it isn't completely sickening. He's a senior, and I think he lives on one of the streets to the South of where I live in the same edition! And Travis M. is his cousin (Travis rides me bus). In sum, it's cool that he and Melanie are going out, but I believe there a several death threats on his head if hurts her *nod*

.:*:.Why am I so insecure? I have this constant feeling that people think I'm weird "in a bad way" or insane, or boring, or that they just don't like me. I hate the feeling, I have absolutely no reason to be insecure...yet I am, constantly. ~~I think I'm growing and getting better~~, I know I'm growing out of it, getting better all the time... it's still really frustrating. I know I'm secure in Christ, and when I lean on Him I do not waver, but...I seem incapable of keeping my heart in the desirable place for any length of time.:*:.

Today is weird. I have little homework (about 12 pages to read and less than that to take notes over is all that's left), I used the slow cooker to make dinner today...so I'm free to rot my brain on the internet. OH! Last thing, I found out that Eddie Bauer refuses to use sweatshops!!! Mom bought two shirts and two pair of jeans there and I was moping over supporting the cruel treatment of underage Asian children when the sales lady told me that she ahd researched and that Eddie Bauer was fair trade :D w00t! I saw some shoes on their site that I like, too...

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways/My independence seems to vanish in the haze/But ev’ry now and then I feel so insecure/I know that I just need You like I’ve never done before.

wotcher!

2005-09-24T10:40:00.000-07:00

haha...I'm laughing at what I titled this post...though you can't see it because Yours Truly doesn't know the code, so I'll tell you, I randomly typed "wotcher!" into the title blank...I'm still not entirely sure what it means except maybe "hey! [look out?]!"

I have a Chocolate Tofu Mousse Pie chilling in the fridge currently...so delicious!! I was going to make it for Mom's birthday, but...instead of buying chocolate chips she bought carob chips! ew! Carob should be illegal - so nasty, and to be propagated as an alternative to chocolate! What treason!

My book reading list is growing expontentially! Just a few selected titles from the masses:

Nicolas Nickelby

The Pickwick Papers

A Tale of Two Cities (a reread, I didn't get it the first time)

--Charles Dickens

The Hitchhikers Guide to Galaxy (series??)

--whoever wrote, Adams or somesuch.

The Republic

--Plato

A Grief Observed

The Great Divorce

Miracles

--CS Lewis

The Foundation Trilogy (restart)

I, Robot (and ensuing series)

--Isaac Asimov

Cicero's writings...

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

--Roald Dahl

Animal Farm

--George Orwell

Of Mice and Men

--John Steinbeck

The Lives

--Plutarch

Bono: In Conversation

--Michka Assayas

Plus numerous others that I don't remember right now...oh! I finally found The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood (by Howard Pyle) for sale at Borders! Alas, I had to purcahse a copy of Psychology Today for magazine analysis (that's due Thursday...ugh). I still have to get another magazine, or find another three page article in the same.

oooh! That gives me the chance to vent about Mrs. Corlee! ARGH! I like her, she's a very likable person, but she treats us as grammar school kids instead of sophomores (no the irony does not escape me..)! She won't consider arguments in things that are nearly entirely opinion like Applied Practice and the ambiguity in vocabulary words! We have to do formula writing, too, which isn't so bad. But she's like "I know some of you are stifled by [formula writing] but I don't care. This is what we teach on the sophomore level - it's our curriculum." (though she did teach us what those brackety things you see in quotes mean) And she said that if we ever take an essay test over a passage and we aren't given a specific topic that we should always start with diction. Of course, she's entitled to her opinion, but isn't it more logical to start with theme (especially if it is something you've read all the way through)?

Because thats what the whole thing is about - stories, essays, articles, whateva. They always have that question "Was this piece written to entertain, inform, or persuade?" well..a lot of the time its all three or two of the three! I think writers want to entertain you, but they also want to teach you through the story, not in a condescending manner (like a certain aforementioned English teacher) because they learned something valuable from the story.

I think it was Ray Bradbury who said something to the effect of 'writers don't write stories, the stories write themselves' Its certainly true with me, I know that the stories I get in my head don't originate in my thought, though they may travel through it. But this writer is afflicted with laziness and the stories never get told and only I enjoy them!

Oh yes, had to sit and think a moment...FALL HAS BEGUN! So happy...there's something about autumn that stirs my soul more than spring, summer, or winter (though late winter is luvverly). So many pivotal things have happened in autumn for me - my "rebirthday" is October 25th, November 5th is something much less pleasant to recall, How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb will be a year old at the end of November, this month (I believe) contains the day that U2 first gathered back in '76. It's so beautiful. Some people say fall is kinda like things dying; and winter death, but autumn more like getting ready for bed and winter is taking a restful sleep. All the trees give a last splurge of colour and gaiety, the grass yellows, the air has a crispness, the mornings are cold and the days mild. Night is clear and lengthens to rock us to rest.

Music and poetry come too! October being the title of both a haunting U2 song and lovely poem by Robert Frost! It has inspired me too, at times! It is a time for reading stories and telling tales and don't all great adventures start in autumn?

And do we even need to go into food? Hot soup and stew, pot pie, potatoes, apples, yams, squash, greens, corn, carrots, garlic, and onions! Hot chocolate, long sleeved shirts, chai, maybe this year I'll perfect pie making...mmmm. Summer won't let its furious grip loosen for a few days yet, but it is passing...

Delicious Autumn!

My very soul is wedded to it,

and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth

seeking the successive autumns.

-George Eliot

home videos

2005-09-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

Ah, yes, your illustrious Elizabeth hath returned from her silence! Okay, so thats not very funny...

Last night Chris & Bonnie came over and we ended up watching home movies until 10:30!! Those are so hilarious, if not a bit embarassing for yours truly (by the way, babies are icky, so much drool and snot! ugh!). We have a standing joke of Chris being the "unloved child" in the family, I guess its one of those you-had-to-have-been-there to get it. I vote that the highligth of the evening was the video of my dad 14 years ago, shirtless, with a slicked-back mullet! ROFL! He hasn't changed a bit (the silly coot), either, since all those videos were shot - still sardonic, wacky, loving, and sneaky. Mom is really pretty in those videos (not that she isn't now) but she has long curly hair and looks like a model :D (and yes, Chris, you're cute too!)

I'm currently avoiding reading about the decline of the three classical civilisations.
#1 it's a major drag - who wants to read about societies crumbling under their own weight and plunging into political and economic chaos (okay, so i'm exaggerating...)?
#2 I'd rather do more in depth studies of the cultures and societies of the civilisations than a review!
#3 I don't know if its possible for a book to blather, but this book seems to have got the knack of it. It's like being in Mr. Lewis' class again, but in print, which makes it worse.

I wanted to go see The Brothers Grimm again, with Bonnie/Chris, but they were busy. Maybe they'll be free tomorrow?? Did I mention that I loved that movie!? Wow. its sssooo cool. You simply must go see it before it leaves theatres!! I need to see it again to elaborate more.

I read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. wow. It's very good. I don't agree with all of what it says but a lot of it is sensible and lines up with Christianity.*shrug* Hard to explain.

what else...?? Oh! I've been listening to Rattle and Hum (U2) all week! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! I dunno why I didn't like it before, but I suppose I just never sat around and just listened to it. I guess you could say it's kinda bluesy, though its still that beautiful brand of music I like to call "intellectual rock" When Love Comes To Town...must be the story of me life. Actaully, U2's music generally illustrates my life - and probably many other peoples lives - sin, redemption, sin again, love, desire, redemption, sin, sin, sin, despair, redemption, activism, sin, redemption, hiding from the truth, redemption...yeah, lots of redemption and sin :D

Thought of the day: Time is simultaneous. As you read this I'm living my life, I could be walking down the hall, or watching a movie, half way through a laugh or a tear. Maybe I'm writing a poem, praying, speaking, or studying. Maybe I'm talking to you on IM even as you read what I wrote. My life could be shattering at just the moment you turned around to go back for something you forgot, or reach for frosty beverage as read this. Or I could be hanging up the phone from talking to you and being uplifted and then going about my business, thinking of you and others and homework and God and "love and sex and faith and fear, and all the things that keep us here..." ;)

whee

2005-09-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that I barely get online anymore? So much work! Well, its not like we're overloaded, it just actually, you know, takes up time. Last year it was maybe 15 minutes, this year it's more like an hour and half or more!

So happy! U2 performed on "Shelter From The Storm" telethon relief concert thing! I really liked the version of "One" they did. Everyone else was great too. I'm so very tired. Mentally and physically.

Just opine on the whole Katrina situation - I think this, like all disasters, will expose the true moral fibre in this country. It will show into sharp relief the faults of our leaders and the virtues of the commonfolk. I think that many people will learn to look to God and rely on Him alone.

But I am not there, I am note affected. My heart bleeds for these people - I want to lay politicking aside and just help. People, if anyone out there here's this, just listen to your soul and help, have compassion on yer fellow man, not just in Louisiana but in the capital, next door, across the ocean, and sitting by you on the sofa.

Lady Come Down!

2005-09-04T07:07:00.000-07:00

Gotta love this song! S'from the movie of The Importance of Being Earnest (2002) adapted from one of Wilde's poems, I believe.

The western wind is blowing fair
Across the dark Ægean sea,
And at the secret marble stair
My Tyrian galley waits for thee.
Come down! the purple sail is spread,
The watchman sleeps within the town,
O leave thy lily-flowered bed,
O Lady mine come down, come down!

Come down! Lady come down!
Come down! Lady come down!
Oh Lady come down...

She will not come, I know her well,
Of lover's vows she hath no care,
And little good a man can tell
Of one so cruel and so fair.
True love is but a woman's toy,
They never know the lover's pain,
And I who loved as loves a boy
Must love in vain,
Must love in vain.

Come down! Lady come down!
Come down! Lady come down!

musings

2005-09-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

File this one under: Desperate Spiritual musings (composed on my xanga)

I'm sick of war, of violence, of insolence and ignorance. Though I constantly try and be "rational" about these feelings, they still pervade my thoughts. I know that we need soldiers, that wars are going to happen. I know thatwe can't make Heaven on earth. I know that no matter what I do or say or how many poster boards I make I won't change anyone's mind about anything. No matter how much I talk, I know my voice falls on deafened ears.

Is this what it was like to be a prophet in ancient Israel? Forever shouting into the streets and crowds before the Temple, and never be given any heed? I know I'm not anything like a prophet - how presumptious it would be to say so! I know I don't know and am confused about a lot of theology. It seems too easy to say I think predestination and free will work together, it's vague - improvable, and I really don't find much Scripture to support the matter. I know that the Bible was not blatantly anti-slavery. But does that make slavery right on any level? I know we aren't called to be pacificial or vegetarians - but for me it all lines up right down the board. I don't know what I think about inerrancy, one one hand the Bible was written by fallen, sinful men but on the other it was Divinely inspired, but where does that leave the Apocrypha and the other books left out of the Canon?

I keep returning to the indisputable, unfathomable events of that Passover week over two thousand years ago. Its all there is to hold onto in the end. Mere discussions about "God" or "Divine Essences" can go anywhere, teachings in the Bible can be dissected, debated, misinterpreted, reworded, retranslated and dissected again, and people will fight over the tiniest details - over the fact that a bat isn't *actually* a bird, or that pi is equal to 3.14 or whatever and not 3 (but it does *round* to 3...so what's the big deal? its an irrational number...). But no one gains anything by it. Where do you draw the line between then and now? Do we pick and choose the Levitical laws we want to follow and dismiss the others as, well, dismissed by Jesus?

Do we believe in Theistic Evolution or stolid creationism? Do we dare venture into the realms of separating kairos and chronos? Will we ever understand God's capacity to be everywhere, all-knowing, all-seeing, and hearing all our prayers at once and still being intimately personal in every way?

I don't really doubt much anymore, but I look at the volumes and volumes of theology books and the innumerable blogs, websites, and churches all claiming to have found the "truly" Biblical way and am overwhelmed! Are the lesser aspects of the Truth up to individual interpretation or not? Does anyone know?

Am I alone out here in theological and theoretical universes of thought, love, grace, anger, justice, redemption, beginnings and endings?

Gas Prices and Venting

2005-09-03T12:41:00.000-07:00

Rawr. I'm starting to get annoyed more than is proper about gas prices increasing exponentially! They have now prevented me from going to the HFC - basically cutting the jugular vein of my supply of bulk items, organic produce, wholemeal flours, reasonbly priced tofu, and some convenience items! Gah. I hate this state sometimes! Usually, its just mildly irritating because of the widespread ignorance, prejudice, set-in-their-ways-ness, etc. But right now its driving me crazy.

Its practically impossible to get affordable, good organic produce around here without driving 30 minutes away (gas prices tie-in). There's no venue for recycling besides paper goods and aluminum cans (which we don't use). Where are the city-provided recycle bins here? Co-ops? Decent farmers' markets? Vegetarian restaurants? I know that alot of that is luxury and not necessary or anything, but I would really like to be able to recycle all the friggin' plastic bottles, steel cans, cardboard, styrofoam, etc. we go through! Co-ops are affordable places to buy things in bulk from local suppliers, they build community ties and are owned by members for members instead of being selling stalls for food corporations! We have farmers' markets, true enough, but not like in California...bah. THe Vegetarian Restaurants thing would be cool, but I prefer my own cooking, heh :D

Somedays I just don't like being so different. I'd loathe trying to be "normal," but sometimes I just wish I could know exactly, irrevocably what I believe about inerrancy, free will, animal rights, how far Godly beliefs can and should be applied to politics, whether pot should be legal, and tons of others. It seems like nearly everyone else knows exactly what they believe and that nothing will ever change it - and if they don't they're simply agnostics who don't bother to look for God while still recognising some intrinsic moral code that they constantly violate and try to hide from. bah...

glad thats mostly out of me system.

woot

2005-09-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Woo! I LOVE MY NEW LAYOUT!

So it s'not original, I did edit all by me onesie! I still have several battles to wage against another's coding, but progress has been made :D

What to blog about? What to blog about?

Well, I'm very sick of the idea that rock and roll (and hence rock stars) should not be involved in politics, as one recent article said "it [rock and roll] is the antithesis of politics" and that "rock and roll should never be in bed with politics." What idiocy is that? If you take politics (read: beliefs, for political stances are formed upon your beliefs) out of rock and roll, what are you left with? Songs about "love," sex, using drugs, and pointless, faked "rebellion." Rock and roll (and music in general) has been a spearhead of many movements (anti-war, revival, human rights, ending global poverty and the AIDS pandemic in Africa, etc). Music without beliefs is music without meaning, would Bono's near-celestial vocals be nearly so soul-shattering if he were only singing about his latest one night stand? What could replace The Beatles' "Revolution" and what it teaches us? I could ask the same of "Teach Your Children Well" by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. Dishwalla's "Counting Blue Cars" is thought provoking (and for some, infuriating) at the least. Would 3 Doors Down's "Kryptonite" be nearly so powerful it weren't such an outcry from the human soul? What about "The Wall" and "Hey You" of Pink Floyd?

If you ask rock and roll to get away from politics and beliefs, you ask it to become a shadow of itself, to sell out to what the culture wants, to be soporific, self-pitying psuedo-rebellion (as I said before). You take away a major voice of sanity in our culture.

this Elizabeth, signing off.

Brave New World

2005-08-27T19:37:00.000-07:00

Wow.

I suppose my reader(s) are upset with me...not posting in over 20 days? Sure hasn't felt like that long...in that time, I'm certain I am different from when I last posted - I suppose we all are in a constant state of metamorphosis and growth - every second, moment, sentence, week, and word changes us incomprehensibly for some future time.

I've begun and finished "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley. I love it. I hate it. I fear its prophesies, and I despair over humanity. Again. Again. Again. Also have perused (at length) Mere Christianity by CS Lewis. Convicting, enlighting...logical and explains things i find difficult to articulate.

I can speak extremely base and rudimentary French (read: I can tell you my name and nationality, say the alphabet, and count to twenty, or vingt if you prefer). I love Spanish class. I like all my classes, really.

I don't know what to say right now, but I'm sure once I return to the groove of blog posting I shall improve. I might even attempt a new layout. This one is boring. my xanga has a bit of updatation, but not much, really.

je t'aime

2005-08-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

Just finished To Kill A Mockingbird! Thats such an poignant, amazing book! You must read it. Now. Turn off the internet, go to the library or book store and get that book and immerse yourself in it! I don't want to tell too much or it'll spoil the story ^.^

Also went to the school today and got my schedule: I have no classes with Lacy or Katie!! I do have history with Veronica, so that might be fun...dunno if Melanie and I have anything together...DRAT! I just remembered that I forgot to get myself a map of the school so I can plan my route from the 11/12 building back to the 9/1o -.-

Happy Birthday to Edge!

2005-08-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Let me take this moment to use my little bit of cyberspace as a megaphone, so lets all join in with this next ditty, you all know the tune:

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Edge
Happy birthday to you!

Yay! 44 years to the day, and the inspiration for so many young (and aging) guitarists world throughout! Keep Bono in line, and make sure to change your guitar strings regularly.

and forgive me for the bad picture quality.

I am reminded of my U2 fandom today. I have not put it on hold nor hidden it, but have turned down the volume, even the greatest band in the world gets a bit old whenits all you listen to! I've taken an interest in three or four bands: Wilco, Dishwalla, Vertical Horizon, and Sister Hazel. The latter two I already liked a bit, though I've never owned any of their music. I bought Summerteeth by Wilco and ordered Pet Your Friends by Dishwalla at Borders yesterday, honestly, thos coupons certainly do their job of luring people to the store to buy stuff they don't really need "at a discount" LOL.

Orientation is Thursday! yahoo! Can't wait to see who my teachers are :D Need to start preparing all my stuff, too. I wanna take it up there with meh so as I don't have to lug a ton o' stuff up there on the 18th.

Was contemplating last night on the heated subject of homosexuality. Probably to my loss, I have spent time on the Christianity messageboards (on AOL) and the one thing that ever really came clear while I was there was that the Bible never really seems to talk about simply 'being homosexual' its always the act of homosexuality thats addressed, is it not? Therefore, is not plausible that there are some people who are, in fact, born homosexual? Because just being something doesn't automatically mean you have to things associated with what you are. For example, all humans are sinners but we [Christians, anyway] are not obligated to act on our sinful nature (translation: just because we are humans doesn't mean we must sin) [Romans 8:12-14]. Or all humans are omnivores, but just because humans are omnivores doesn't mean one must act on it and eat animal flesh (or reverse and say that you don't have to eat plants as an omnivore if you don't want to). Some people are genetically prone to drinking problems, but they don't have to be alcoholics or even light drinkers. We make choices people!

Being genetically or otherwise prone to something doesn't make it "okay." I don't want to be misunderstood - I'm not saying homosexuality is right. I'm just saying that, in my mind, it is not entirely preposterous that someone could be born as a homosexual, the question is whether they choose to act on it.

Ponder on that, mates, and get back to meh with comments at either EnvisionedLight@aol.com or avaenetela@yahoo.com or on my xanga

My Current Plan To Save The World!

2005-08-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

An epiphany has come, dear readers! I have a NEW plan by which I can solve the worlds problems! w00t!

The original idea came to me as I was responding to a troll's post on the veg*nism board! He was sarcastically suggesting that we create "giant plates" that suspended off of each other, the "plates" would be used to grow food. Then it came, like a bolt of lightning! The way it could be done! It'd be similiar to a skyscraper and not implausible at all.

There would be a central "hub" a tall, cylindrical building reaching up in to the sky. At intervals around the "hub's" girth there would be the "giant plates," where a nutrient-rich soil would be held, and the seeds could be planted therein. The plates themselves would probably be circular, fenced off around the edges (for protection), walkways could be built and storage sheds for the farm equipment, etc. each "level" would be accessed by an elevator...I'm going to try and show what it'd look like via my bad drawing skills and Paint http://tinypic.com/9zve6g.jpg

thats basically it, the hub and plates fanning out around it to grow more crops on less land, there are obviously some flaws here, like the power needed to move the water through the plates (though a subsoil irrigation system seems cool), but I think its not undoable!

also, the resultant crop could be processed as a nearby building built for just that purpose.

so any comments?

freezing

2005-08-03T14:43:00.000-07:00

Let me begin this by saying that someone should really turn off the AC in here! No, I'm not at my house (read: igloo) but the Double R Cyber Cafe, Ruth is kind enough to let me take up computer space for free for about two hours until Mom comes to pick me up. I'm looking forward to a Clif bar at the Weight Room, I'm starved. I got these weird spring roll things at Super Cao Nguyen, but they weren't very good - they put mint or something in with the lettuce and it tastes funky. I'll stick to other Vietnamese vegan goodies, thank you.

Chris' blog posts got me thinking about politics (and about people who can't articulate their thoughts so they fill blank spaces with swearing...lovely world, eh?). I guess the people who read this know that my political beliefs are sort of not on the map, not on the left or right but probably closer to Libertarian than Authoritarian. But I'm starting not to care so much, maybe i'm discouraged. But governments are silly and corrupted half the time, revolutions are squashed unless, of course, they too are corrupted, opposing the government in even the most miniscule of ways seems to be cause for silencing, whether physical or by discrediting, jail time, etc. I don't think that anything short of a nuclear or atomic bomb will set the USA (or any other country, mind you) right [and don't say Jesus' return because I've already thought of that and that ends all earthly governance] and I doubt that anything I, or anyone else, could come with would do much better. The world would be great if it weren't for we humans...what I envision is a world, and I suppose it is utopia or something near it, where people share things in common - there are no official leaders, money is done away with and bartering comes back into play, people have "their" stuff but they aren't too keen to be stingy about it. No one is really poorer than someone else, services are traded, too. Everyone can do something...yeah utopic blabber I know, but it does sound appealing, aye?

Well

overload

2005-08-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

bah, I have way too much to say as I sit and write my blog! Should I complain about the latest irritation? Talk about iMonk's newest post that I would love to print out and hand to our youth coordinator guy? The newest recipe for yeast free bread? How weird the school system here is?

I found some shorts (with the tag still on) in my dresser today o.O I guess I would never wear'em because they look kind of billow-y and odd when you look at them, until yeh get'em on, of course. But they're nice and comfy, and go well with belov'd Charlie and the Chocolate Factory t-shirt! ^.^

I bought 1984 by George Orwell yesterday with a 30% off coupon from Borders - alas, the yoga book I was desirious of is out of print!! But, I can get it over the 'net, like anything else imaginable in the universe...I think that next year (either to advertise the writing club or TV Turnoff Week) I'm gonna get someone (...Lacy??) to draw a big television with the mantra from 1984 emblazoned upon the screen:

WAR IS PEACE

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

I think it would work very well for both aforestated purposes, in the writing club advert it would show our actual literacy and be relevant, in the second case it would be pointed, poignant, and discomforting. I love it. I wonder if I would get in trouble for putting up though? It would probably have to be cleared with *shudder* Mrs. Tucker...drat that we've butted heads before...heheh. This coming school year should be quite interesting.

Chris gave me the idea, a few months ago, to name the then-in-the-works alternative newspaper "The State" but I think it would work equally well for the Club. Must ponder all this...

Chocolate Chucks

2005-07-31T19:03:00.000-07:00

w00t! I got some converses, or "Chucks" I suppose I must call'em so I can use Chris's lingo! Black & white low tops, size 6, though I think I might need a bigger size...and I got a CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY T-SHIRT!!! It's brown with a drawing of one of the golden tickets on it ^.^ So what that it was horrendously, criminally overpriced costing my hard-working mother $20? She says when she "gets thin" she'll wear it, hehehe.

As I type I am making granola, a new recipe (Alton Brown) I think it'll turn out great :D I snuck a bite while I was stirring.

Not much interesting to say...oh! I had a GREAT time with Lacy and Melanie!! Squee! Lacy and I played in the groovy little water thing (Melanie observed), and we got to go and have dinner by ourselves! Gasp! I must be growing up or something, whee! And we bought those sweet little laser light things that are so entertaining. When we go thome we stayed up until about 4 in the morning! Just talking in my room 'n stuff...I love them sssooo much. I've had so many stinky relationships with people its wonderful to be with people like them *huggles*

Shalom aleichem

Poetic ramblings

2005-07-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

I finally typed up some of poetry, being a procrastinator is an occupational hazard, it seems. But I'm very happy with this set of seven newest poems...is it immodest to really like what you write? Because I read these poems and I enjoy what I write... Anyway, I'll be posting them one at a time here and on my xanga (yes, I finally caved and started to use it, so if you want double your dose of Elizabeth-ness, there you go!).

We'll begin with a nice, short one.

---

Mirroring Eternity

Endless reflection
in a mirror
What gazes back at me?

Myself, a million times refracted.

Images, they come and go, you know.
Eternity, then, must be looking in a mirror,
and mirrors do not lie.

Poetic ramblings

2005-07-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

Bible Commentary #1: Leviticus 10:16-20

2005-07-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing good margarine (or if your not vegan, butter) and sugar all beaten together tastes? Its quite astounding. Oh? I've been making a vegan spice cake and maple frosting, but the recipe for the frosting was wacky. It only called for 1 teaspoon of maple syrup! I had to increase it to 2 tablespoons and then add come vanilla extract before it was acceptably flavoured. I figure this cake'll have to end up at either Dad's office or Mom's bank's breakroom 'cause both of the above are trying to loose weight, and I don't think it wise to have that thing sitting there while I'm alone tomorrow, lol. I need to call Lacy/Melanie...

Today is Chris & Bonnie's first wedding anniversary! hurrah! They made it!

Anyway, this is a stupendous moment for you, dear reader, will be exposed to the first (and you may hope the last) Holy Renegade's Bible commentary! *drumroll* The passage is only four verses, i ran across it in me daily reading yesterday or so. Here we go!

Leviticus 10:16-20 (Amplified Bible's translation)

16And Moses diligently tried to find [what had become of] the goat [that had been offered] for the sin offering, and behold, it was burned up [as waste]! And he was angry with Eleazar and Ithamar, the sons of Aaron who were left alive, and said,

17Why have you not eaten the sin offering in the Holy Place? It is most holy; and God has given it to you to bear and take away the iniquity of the congregation, to make atonement for them before the Lord.

18Behold, the blood of it was not brought within the Holy Place; you should indeed have eaten [the flesh of it] in the Holy Place, as I commanded.

19But Aaron said to Moses, Behold, this very day in which they have [obediently] offered their sin offering and their burnt offering before the Lord, such [terrible calamities] have befallen me [and them]! If I [and they] had eaten the most holy sin offering today [humbled as we have been by the sin of our kinsmen and God's judgment upon them], would it have been acceptable in the sight of the Lord?(A)

20And when Moses heard that, he was pacified.

This is a good example of how we get angry and all in a huff about something that on the surface seems cut 'n dry, but really we don't know the full context of what was going on. Like Moses, we'll go to our brother/friend/whatever and confront them about it, sure that we do know all about the situation and we're not even really open to what they have to say, but when they come out and tell us the stuff we didn't know, we're humbled. If I'm understanding this passage correctly, I think Moses was humbled, and I can even imagine him walking off with the expression "Lo! As surely as the Lord lives, I act even as an ass at times."

well (luckily, for you), that was short and sweet, hope that you get the same lesson out of as I: don't make up your mind totally about something before you know all the details.

whee.

2005-07-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

Like the new layout? Its a bit dull, but I couldn't do all I wanted with it. I'm going to test some theories about extricating pictures from our CD-Rom, bah. So computer-technically illiterate...

Anyway, I purchased Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the book, of course, by Roald Dahl) and I've read about half of it (its really short). Its so happy, wholesome, and pure. I love my deep, ruminative, lengthy epics, adventures, journeys, and all that, but ever now and then you need a break - you could read a "popcorn" book. Or you could choose something lovely and simple, and cast away your cynisms, and your layers of crustyness, and remember the child within. Damned that a teenager has to do that!

I ended up running into Abe the (evil, disgusting, etc.) Wal*Mart - not literally, though it would seem likely of me. Hadn't seen him in forever, nor any of my friends besides Sashia have I really seen face-to-face for any consequential amount of time in a couple weeks! I really want to stay connected to these people - I think I'm recovering from my shyness, a bit. Working at the Clinica really helps that! Anyway back to the running-into-Abe incident, we just chatted for a couple minutes before he had to go follow his Mom & brother. I will admit that my heart was beating a bit faster after I'd talked to him, but I don't think I'll curse feminity this time. While I still think we're rather stupid and arrogant half the time, I don't think having a slightly faster heart rate is something we can ascribe to femaleness.

It feels like Sunday, but then again all the days and hours and night run together in the summertime, its like being in a river or something, pushes you irresistably forward. This could get rather long-winded, so I'll wish you sweet water and light laughter until next we meet!

outlook

2005-07-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

I orginally posted this to my little used xanga:

I was reading through Reader's Digest today and this issue (#1000) is dedicated to stuff that has changed/will change our lives, et cetera. One of the things that hit me was the article on how Marketers have found Religion. And how true it is! I've noticed and abhorred it for quite some time (the article was fairly pro-Christian merchandise subculture junk), but the full scale never really hit me. Like, there's a whole line of "Christian" clothing stores, I think its called C28 (referring to Corinthians 2:8) that "evangelizes" people in the stores, and that *gasp* the workers might have tattoos or body piercings! How rebellious and hip -yet its okay because its all fer Jesus!

Just a thought, but isn't the ultimate expression of acceptance and such (i.e. tattoos, body piercings) the failure to make an issue of them? Isn't it odd that they have to go and make a point of saying that bodypiercings/tattoos/objects A-Z/whatever are 'okay,' is they are so 'okay' then why do you bother mentioning them?

I don't necessarily think someone trying to develop a "Biblical" diet genre, or wearing a Christian t-shirt are bad in themselves, but isn't the way we're supposed to be known for is our love for eachother (John 13, I believe), our love for others, and our Proclamation of the salvation available only through Christ? Not what book we buy, how many people attend our churches, not how many 'commitment' cards are signed at youth rallies!

The blurring of the lines between what is of God and what is Worldly are fast becoming open plains, with only chalk left to separate them, and chalk is easy to overlook. It's like Fahrenheit 451 more every day, where people are trying to make Jesus no more than the average spokesman and endorser. Woe to us!

So applicable these lyrics are (Derek Webb, Lover)
"but go on and take my picture, go on and make me up/i’ll still be your defender, you’ll be my missing son/and i’ll send out an army just to bring you back to me/because regardless of your brother’s lies you will be set free"

"With joy you will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation!" Isaiah 12:

lets go overground

2005-07-07T16:23:00.000-07:00

I guess y'all know that the London Underground was attacked this morning during London's rush hour, which I suppose is around 2 in the morning my time. Its brings up a lot of painful issues for me.

You see, blog reader(s) I was pretty much totally unaffected by the events of 9/11 in NYC/DC. I didn't cry, didn't feel anything, except sympathy for those who were connected with it in anyway. This, however, was before I became a Christian. I have grown to feel sorrow that those lives were lost, but I was not (and still am not) one who fell to their knees in grief that fateful day. Why? I've never understood why yours truly, the overly-sensitive, run-away imaginationed, touchy feely, artsy personage I am didn't feel horror and sorrow that day...so much so that it has caused me sorrow anyway! Agh. I don't like to talk about it to other people, for fear I appear to a brutish monster.

Anyway, when I heard about the bombings in London, I had a wave of grief and sadness wash over me. What was different this time? (for the record, I wasn't affected byt he Madrid bombings, either) Is it because London is the hub of some of my favourite stories? The birthplace of authors, actors, and playwrights? If anyone has an answer...ye know where I be.

Back by popular demand

2005-07-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

OKay, okay! I'm back by popular demand! I truly did return on teh date stated on my away message of sorts, but I've been at a loss for things to say. I must tell you only that you must, if ever the oppurtunity comes a-knocking, you must NOT refuse the chance to go to Northern California! Its astoundingly beautiful, and a vegan's paradise! Where else can you order mocha fudge soy ice cream by the scoop?

I watched Live 8, it really motivated me to get going with doing things, but I guess Dad and Chris are right that I need to start here at home in a more tangible way than marching about with a peace sign and flyers...G8 starts today, by the way, and I still hold that the problems in Africa are urgent and since we have this chance let us take it! I'm sure we'll never wholly end poverty, but if we can alleviate it in some degree from anyone - from the homeless guy across the street or the starving HIV/AIDS positive children in Africa - I say that we must do all we can. Call me communist and Black List me if you will.

Feeling heavy hearted lately, but confidentiality forbades me to delve into it here, such things are not for public platforms...

I think I want to redo this layout...

Good-bye, you can keep this...

2005-06-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

Well, here be me "good-bye" entry! I'm heading to California eeeaaarrrlllyyy Monday morning, and as its Father's Day weekend and we have to be preparing, too, I'm saying adieu tonight.

I shall miss all my dear friends - Chris, Doug, Bonnie, Katie, Brittany, Abe, Idril, Geoff, and all the others! I'll be thinking of and praying for each and everyone of you. I want to leave you with one of my random thoughts, yeah, its about me. YOu can stop reading now, I know I talk about myself too much.

I'm a walking contradiction. I exist somewhere between predestination and free will, I'm a lover and dreamer, I'm staggering along behind Jesus Christ, trying to make my mark on the world and yet not take credit for making that inscription. My ownheart would betray me and my reason is foolishness, yet I take (undue) pride in a knowledge. I thirst for knowing and for love, here I am. Naked before the Triune God and trying to be clear for you.

Send me an e-mail whilst I am away! Either EnvisionedLight@aol.com or avaenetela@yahoo.com
Peace and love, all.

what am I doing wrong?

2005-06-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

Today I feel like a pretty lousy 'witness' for Christ. Though it was really yesterday that it started.

You see, there was a certain person I met on the internet some time ago who I made friends with (it was via the vegetarianism board) and was able to advise them in their decision to become veg*n, eventually I 'shared' the Gospel with them over - if I remember right - several successive nights of IMing, and they told me they were accepting this message. We kept in contact for a while, then out of the blue, they were gone. For a long time, in fact. Next I heard from her one of her friends had just died, and she was turning towards the Bible, seeking answers. Again, a long span of time until I hear from her again. One night, kinda late, getting near time for me to sign off, she IMs me, again. She wanted to commit suicide and has apparently been self-injuring for awhile (she sent pictures...). By God's grace, I'm sure, I talked to her that night (I forget how long it was) and she ended up not killing herself ... obviously. More time goes by and we meet up again, just chit-chatting about veg*nism and movies and music - you know, Internet small talk. Well, I was talking to her yesterday and we began to talk about Christianity and Jesus, come to find out she's been lying to me this whole time, she has not taken the salvation offered by God, the church she attends doesn't believe in human sinfulness and asking for forgiveness (are not those the fundamentals of Christ's Way? the Redemption and Resurrection, anyone?). Apparently she told me those lies because she didn't want me to reject her, it's like HELLO! Jesus taught us to love everyone, of course that doesn't mean being unendingly tolerant of false teaching and such. But why would someone who professes faith in Christ and the Triune God of the Bible be thought for a moment to reject someone they have a relationship with merely because they do not believe the Truth?! (I sure hope this coming out right, but I don't care much as of now).

Yet, this is not the only time this has happened! Those of you who know Meghan and that whole situation will know what I'm talking about. I hate being lied to. I don't understand why people feel they need to lie to me about their spirituality! Do I have a holier-than-thou attitude!? God, what am I doing wrong? ...yeah, i know, its not me doing anything, its all You. But it still doesn't make sense, none whatsoever. I want love people as they as are, and I have always wanted this. as Sara Groves says "And I'm not God, I'm a girl - I confess/That I don't have a sea of forgetfulness" and I do have a problem with being judgemental, sometimes, but I strive and pray against this!

For my friends (who I count as my family) who may read this post is the future, I ask only two things of you: honesty and faithfulness in the brotherly (and even Godly) love friendship affords.

frustration

2005-06-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

I got my July issue of Reader's Digets yesterday (they always send it exceedingly early...). This issue, like a lot of them, has dieting tips. But atleast this time around they're interesting to read. One of them addressed we Americans' attitude towards food. We love to multi-task and food ahs become a task for most of our day-to-day lives. Everything is fast food, made to fit car up holder things and be consumed with one hand or straw. We eat TV dinners infront of a yammering idiot box and don't even realise what we're eating!

Agh! It never ceases to vex me. I remember - before I became vegan - always wanting to eat in my room, alone, or in front of the living room TV (this was back when we also had a TV in my room). Now I hate it, well, maybe hate is to strong a word, but I really, really don't like it one bit. I like eating at the table with Mom and Dad, and making fancy (though amaetuerish) presentations and stuff, and not to inhale my food. We need to think about what we're eating, to savour it, and linger and talk around the table and be so concerned with whatever the cable news pundits have to say about this abduction, that court case, etc. Its all so unbearably tiresome and repetitive.

Yes, we should be informed, but that doesn't have to entail watching the news for almost two hours! Especially when it only makes Mom and Dad scared to let me set toe outside of the house (whether or not they are there) and be afraid that the friends I'm making are stoners and drunkards (which they aren't, for anyone interested!). Or that the people I talk to online are all 40 year old male pedophile stalkers! Admittedly, I was once pretty free with some personal information: where I live, how old I am, etc. but that has long been left by the wayside. Of my internet friends only two or three know where I live and then only in terms of the state. Everyone else I talk to I know from either the coffeehouse, church, school, etc. and I think I occasionally talk to some friend of a friend, but that is rare. But i suppose I've gotten off topic.

I just wish that we could keep our table clean, shut off the television and just eat dinner together. Or just shut off the TV. Yes, I really do dislike having very much at all to do with the TV. yeah, I channel surf during the drear hours of the afternoon, and I do like to watch a few cooking shows in the evening. And "The Countdown" is relatively amusing as far news shows go, but I'd rather just have it off, for just one whole day. Rawr. I don't know if I blogged about this, but when I tried (and I believe did very well, I watched only a few unintentional glances of TV) to do "TV Turnoff Week" Mom and Dad were positively uncooperative, well, not really. They just wouldn't participate, but Mom was kinda of snippety about it, declaring that "we don't watch a lot of TV" Well, if we don't watch a lot of TV, it shouldn't be that hard to forego it for one measly week! ARGH! Yes, that has been bothering me, I should let it go.

I leave you with this: Turn off your TV set, clear a spot on the kitchen table. Sit down - omnivore and herbivore this applies to both - and enjoy your food, even if it is just a TV dinner. Be thankful for it as your present pleasure and savour it. Put on some wordless music, which is especially nice at breakfast time when no one is home. But, just eat with all your senses (well, I guess touch is optional) and with your mind, and find someone to do it with, it will be better than you imagine.

Eileen's Song

2005-06-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

This song is by Steven Delopoulos and is played by Burlap to Cashmere (they, sadly, only made one record! They are amazingly good, a very eclectic mix of Greek, Latin, and a bit of Folk and Rocknroll). It describes the relationship I feel I have with people like Doug and Chris. I also think it articulates Abe and I's relationship. I urge you to actually play the song, if you can get access to it, the album is called "Is Anybody Out There?"

You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter
Through the summer
Like one angel we'll
Fly far away

Hold my hand and we'll make it all right
From this hell that we live in
Cross the road until the light
Comes inside and lives within
It's a long and lonesome ride
When your friends have all gone home
But the roses in your eyes
They pull me in so I don't feel alone

You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter
Through the summer
Like one angel we'll
Fly far away

Sometimes I just can't help but cry
When I think of what we've become
Like a soldier lost in the night
Forgetting all where he has come from
But the mud will soon become dry
And the sun will rise again
And the shadows in our eyes
Will fade away down to lower plains

Cause' You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter
Through the summer
Like one angel we'll
Fly far away

You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter
Through the summer
Like one angel we'll
Fly far away
(repeat)

So my friend now this I say
I won't leave you hangin' on
Hold on tight now and don't fly away
Till one angel we have become

Day One

2005-06-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

mmmm, I rented "U2: The Best of 1990-2000" music videos, I love it! Some of the songs I don't have access to are so amazing, namely Electrical Storm; Miss Sarajevo; The Hands That Built America; Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me; and The Ground Beneath Her Feet. All of the music videos are outstanding, with the possible exception of the concert video of Until The End Of The World, I mean, I love Bono's 90s personas and that song rocks, and he does it well, but there's something about him doing inappropriate things to the camera that just turn me off...

Some of you may wonder why I love U2 so much. I'll attempt to put it into words for you. The music shows the joy and ecstacsy of rock and roll and just plain life, too. There's deepest sorrow and despair, seeing your sin for what it is, the pain, the repentence, the salvation. Yet they cannot make the title of Greatest Rock Band without the part that acknowledges the world that is often shunned and avoided in, atleast, the Christian circles of music - they allow the knowledge of the wolrd below the belt (Bruce Springsteen just said that so well!). They make me face things I'd rather not face, when I hear Bono's celestial, pleading voice a new light is thrown into my mind that illuminates something in a way I hadn't yet thought of. They're there, playing music before God, and before the world, screwed as they and we and I are. Ultimately, they leave back at the foot of the Cross, and you must take it from there - because it is up to you to do your part in this constant remaking and rechanging of the World. Sometimes I think we know we'll never wholly conquer it, and we cannot in good faith and conscience subdue it, and I feel we are all (at some level) aware that we are not of the world. Yet, U2 can draw Believers and non-believers alike.

to completely change the subject, I already miss Abe :( and Lacy and melanie, poor Melanie, I called her today and she apparently can't talk...but I suppose that's to be expected when you get you jaw operated on. I need to call Lacy and see what's up, I think she only stays a few blocks away during that day. I'd like to get us all together again, maybe for another movie or something.

*hums* You're on my mind all of the time/I know that's not enough....

lalala

2005-06-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

I almost posted yesterday, aye, almost doesn't really do us much good, but I was going to blog about some of the annoying repercussions of feminism and such, but I'm not angry about it right now, so it wouldn't come out interesting. What's that? ...Oh, yes, I could rile myself up, but I don't feel like it. Why? haha, period time. Ironic that it should come the day before Abe leaves for three weeks? Two pains in one. LOL. I shall miss Abe, but I think, good will come out of this. But yet, good can but come of things in God's world, even the evilest and cruelest scheme will contribute to refracting God's glory - in the end.

I'm currently vexing this person who ish IMing me, their s/n is familiar, but I don't remember who they are. I finally reported them after they called me a "smartass" but I didn't block them, I enjoy messing with people's minds, not in a cruel way, perhaps I just like to make them think.

I watched Stars Wars Episodes I & II yesterday, I think I'm an official fan now. Not nearly so much as in Lord of the Rings, but there are still four movies to go! I also want some Jedi robes now, though, they closely resembles the cloaks of the Galadhrim, so it may be just carry over. But can't you envision it? Elizabeth walks down the halls of -insert high school here- her speed blows the cloak around just enough to create the movie-like effect, a sheathed sword is barely revealed, then disguised again...ah. The thought of it.

Thinking of it, I haven't really blogged much about Abe, have I? Hm. Perhaps for the benefit of those who view this blog I shall. Well, we are "just friends" (what an odd phrase, being a friend is a high honour, and to be venerated and enjoyed) yet we "like like" eachother, I believe. Yet, in my heart I know that my time is not yet come and I believe that this to be a conviction from God, though how part of me loathes it! Who in all the world would think I would have to lay aside the counsels of my heart and follow the exact opposite of what it wishes!? But things are not all heart, you must have mind, and spirit, too. A balance of all three. I think I will come out the stronger - if I prevail, but I am confident that I shall. Abe is a blessing, though, those of you who actually *know* me will know that I have had painful relationships with my own feminine persuasion in the past, and that my primary, dearest, bestest, most beloved friends are almost entirely of the male persuasion. He is wise, and intelligent (you should know the two are not the same nor synonomous), he also seems to understand things in a way few do. i.e., when he was over here the other night Dad was telling about going to Omar's house and learning how to cook Moroccan food from his wife, of course i am very shy about that, but Dad eventually Abe says to me something like "It all comes down to your decision, though I think it would be good for you" which I what I know that this venture i will undertake at the Clinic next month will be have the same result. Blast my feelings. THey betray me, and yet they are lovely and were created by my Lord.

LO! I was so clearly reminded by Screwtape Letters, I am a sinner, utterly depraved in what I am, yet I am made imago dei (in God's image), and Christ thinks me worth saving, though I cannot commend myself, in truth, in any way to Him.

Amen.

Friends, pray that I will have courage when I need it, not just to share my faith but to serve with Dr. Rossavik in July and not convince myself of my inabilities but rather of my abilities so that i may put them to use.

me birthday!

2005-06-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

I know all of you use this blog for your super-secret-ninja-investigation into my life, so I'll tell ye: I AM NOW, OFFICIALLY, FIFTEEN! Hurrah! Now I'm as old as all (?) my friends! w00t. The event was actually yesterday, June 3rd, 2005! I actually got up pretty early and made my birthday cake (to my Dad's mortification, but, whatever.), by the end of the morning I was covered in chocolate...which really isn't a bad thing, I suppose! I kinda just shuffled through the rest of the day, helped a bit to tidy the domicile (c'mon, you can use the dictionary now and again, aye?). OH! I remember, I cleaned out my big, ugly, 70s [in a bad way], bashed-up night table and the drawers, and put in the *new* one Mom got meh! I found a huge pile of stuff I quoted from God Emperor of Dune and Children of Dune, a recipe for cabbage poriyal that Anil gave us ages ago, my New Testament thingy, my Pokémon Blue (drat, I forgot to give it to Abe...must remember!) game, my little porcelain (sp?) dolls that Grandma & Grandpa give me every year, and bunch of other stuff. I piled all my paints into a shoebox and threw'em in the closet (the new table thing only has one drawer). And I cleaned up all the junk that I had heaped atop it. I also performed emergency rescue on that weird plant Dad leaves in there, I hope it doesn't die. Meh.

Let meh see...oh yes, Mom went to do...something? I know she came back with a disposable camera...and found Abe parked out in the driveway. Weird. Anyway, I went out and talked to him and then he came in and Dad stole him off to the Studio and tehy played 'da Blues' (as Dad says...) and everyone came and we bantered and goofed off until we need to head up to the Movie Theatre. We get there and there is this gi-normous (is that a word?) line, we figure its for Star Wars Episode III, but when we got in range of the ticket stand we saw that the 7:20 showing for Madagascar was Sold Out! So we kinda randomly decide to hang out at Hastings until the next showing (but, being the wise little urchins we are, we bought our tickets in advance!). But then Katydid, Melanie, and Lacy were hungry, so we were going to walk around and find a place for'em to eat. Then somehow Katie ended up calling her Mom and they went and ate and Lacy & Melanie decided to just sit and read manga and talk with Abe and me and Brittany. Yay for getting..interesting...insights into Abe's recent past from Melanie, teehee! So we walked back to the Theatre (I got Abe and me and Brittany to hold hands, we had Lacy for awhile but then Melanie appropriated her, heh). and went in a got food and somehow it worked out that we got there at the perfect time and didn't have to sit through those silly movie trivia things they play everytime.

The movie was great!! Everyone should go see Madagascar! Its hilarious and intelligent, IMHO. Though I shan't be givin' any spoilers here! *zips mouth shut*

We came back to the house afterwards and got a pizza for they were ravenous and then we had cake and opened gifts :D Abe gave me this groovy necklace, Melanie got me a SWEET notebook (silver and grey patterned on the front) it will be Translucent Dreams Vol. IV, its good because Vol III is almost full up, and I got a total of $20 from Lacy and Brittany. (Aunt Peggy also sent me a check [must be growing up!] for $20) Mom and Dad got me a high-tech portable CD-player (it has radio and plays MP3s, too...everyone say "ooo, ahhh, ooo, aaahhh"), and a tube of chapstick, which I've already mislaid...

Tonight, we're going to PF Chang's for dinner with Chrise, Bonnie, and the Grand parents! yay! I love my family desperately!

And, if any of my friends (internet or otherwise)/family are reading this: I LOVE YOU!

Neopets

2005-05-31T12:46:00.000-07:00

It is official. Neopets has sold out. I thought they had sold out when they started making those movie-themed 'games' for the game-section, and I was pretty sure when they started making the toys for Limited Too, but now - it is official! They have advertisements on the site! Can you believe it? It slows down the stinking thing and makes us just another audience to be consumeristic mantra (is that a contradictory term..?)! Oh well, I still rejoined for the 1,786,995,003,445th time. I like the revamped meerca chase and destruct-o-match, and they have some groovy new pets, and they redrew Mystery Island, it looks pretty sweet.

In other news, Abe came over to my house last night :D It was fun, we just sat in the back and talked for three hours! I'm growing ever more excited about me birthday party! I can't wait for Mom & Dad to meet all meh companeros! And I DID get the masks for Madagascar! They're cheapy and break easy, but all we need is one camera shot and freaking out the people at the theatre while we stand in line, hehehe.

Now, I'm wondering if my latest e-mail to Chris went through so, if, you, Chris, are reading this, I sent you an e-mail at about 2:30 PM, so if you didn't get it, I did send a response!

Gasp! I cleaned my room today, it was really getting unbearably messy, but I still need to redo my desk/U2 shrine (haha). I vacuumed and made the bed and everything, aren't you proud of meh? I also purged all my binders of my now-useless school papers and three of them are so torn up I don't want to even try to reuse them (I mean, when you can see the cardboard and the front is nearly ripped off, what's the point?). Next year/autumn, I want to make seriously groovational binders! With pictures o' me bestest maties and my Irish gentlemen [for the uninitiated that means U2], to boot.

Matrimony's Prelude

2005-05-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this title is bad but here is some of my poetic rambling, all stuff is copyright me, blah blah blah, like anyone would steal it...

I don't usually write much lovey-dovey goo, but we're all entitled, aye?

Matrimony’s Prelude

Do you remember our first night out?
I remember the lights on the stage and the millions of voices that we sang along to,
all those people dancing - dancing, enraptured by the joy in song!

After all the, all was quiet and watched you come down off the smoky stage,
You had sweat in your hair and gum on your shoes.
Some heedless child had spilt their water all over the thirty-second row
and for whatever reason we both remembered to laugh.

You came over to where I sat, all your trappings in fame and rock and roll glory -
they fell away and yet we remained.

We escaped the scandal-hungry entourage of press and obsession.
Creeping out where the stars were shining bright
All we did was lie back and stare into celestial bodies,
but then the setting of His Majesty the Moon reminded me that we had other lives to lead.

I was loath to stir from that sweet spot, but I was urged on.
You reached out, you touched my hair where you had weaved it into plaits of living gold.
You spoke, saying you’d like to meet again.
I had already gone, vanishing into the night. But I still heard you get up and go.

Aye, it has been a few years - short and long, both
we’re both reworked and changed within and out.

Still, this dress is white and the moon is far from sleepy,
as soon as I reach the end of the aisle…
we can slip away into the bright darkness, hand-in-hand.

freedom

2005-05-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

SCHOOL IS OUT! Thursday, at 3:16 PM I was freed from school.

Now, Saturday, I'm ready to go back. The thing is, I love to learn, and I already miss my friends. Yet, I am resolved not to be lazy and end up blowing them off all summer. And *drumroll* I'm gonna be fifteen on Friday! YAHOO!

I'm taking Abe, Melanie, Lacy, Katie, Brittany to see Madagascar! I am seriously considering obtaining these masks that, apparently, Denny's restaurants are giving away. Then we'd all wear'em to the movie, I just love to mess with people's minds, I guess it comes from Dad's side.

name runnin' through me mind

2005-05-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

hom hoom, I finished Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers this morning at school. I was bookless all day! But, somehow, I survived. I survived I a lot of things recently...

Mom, Bonnie, and I went shopping on Sunday. It is one of my least favourite activities, but it actually was fun this time! Bonnie got some classy business suits for her job interviews, we each got a pair of sunglasses (I only got a pair because it would help save money, one pair was like $12.95, but 3 pairs were only $25), and Mom bought me a skirt. I like it! I have total of 3 skirts now, gasp! This newest one is white and flowy, but not a replica of the black one. I'd like to wear to school but I may not, seeing as I'd like to have a white skirt when I got home from school as opposed to a reddish brown one, savvy?

We also got to go to a P.F. Chang's for a late lunch/early dinner! I followed Geoff's advice and got the Vegetarian Lettuce Wraps - THEY ARE SO GOOD! (Though they were a bit heavy on the soy sauce) I just ate'em with some brown rice and lime juice, so good *mouth waters*

Meh, I'm tired - had to finish making my bobblehead, I still need to find the quote about SHelob being the last child on Ungoliant and such. I'd take a picture but I haven't a camera! agh!

must...go...before...I..fall..asleep. Maybe I'll make a fun, controversial post tomorrow.

yawning..

2005-05-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

*yawn* Man, this is boring. No one (save Derson, but I haven't e-mailed him yet, not that he isn't fun to talk to, but sometimes it gets on me nerves) is online, no body updated their blogs, the vegetarianism board is in a lull. AGH!

Today was the last Friday for school! It seems like yesterday I was deathly afraid of being late to class and of getting lost. When you first go to school you're always lugging a million thigns around, but after a few weeks you seem to figure out which classes you actually will need your book in and which ones you barely even need a binder for...but that could turn into a long ramble and I'm contemplating taking a shower before Dad's gig tonight. I invited a bunch of people to come, not to sound jaded, but hope some them actually do come! I should call everyone who signed my psuedo-yearbook and invite them directly, but, eh, I'm lazy and kind of sleepy. besides, they mightn't enjoy it much, if they aren't the bookstore & café type. Maybe I'll find a copy of Two Towers and read it! Ha!

Not much to report, have to do my bobblehead and I'm forgetting something important, I think! Oh yeah, the feature story...ugh. Well, I have all weekend. yay for procrastantion!

friends

2005-05-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

Hoom, I was gonna write about how feminism (in some forms) really annoys the sniffle outta meh. But maybe i can save that for tomorrow, or atleast a bit later in this post.

It's about 9:13 PM as I'm beginning to write this, I'm still humouring visions of doing yoga still tonight, and I have two tests I really should study for - especially the Spanish one, but the History one occureth tomorrow. Mr. Jackson shan't be there during Newspaper tomorrow, I think he said something about needing to take a little time for himself (on the official last day to buy yearbooks...? but, hey, whatever.). I wonder what we're going to do when he isn't there, maybe I'll be hunting down people who have customised stuff waiting for them? I guess I need to work on that [blasted] feature story, but, suprisingly, I'm not really interested in writing about myself. Seems so bland, really, when I read through what I've written - when I try and read objectively, anyway!

But for lighter and fairer news, I'm thrilled to be making friends, finally, yes Melanie and Lacy have been friends for most of the year but now I'm beginning to at last feel comfortable - and of course Abe and Rhiannon are blessings. Why does this happen? I finally come into my own - right as the year is about to end! Then I lose contact! I am going to make a concerted (yay for using vocabulary words!) effort to stay in touch with these people that I care for - and, indeed, love - so much.

I feel braver now than I have, I think I've probably been fighting God about some things lately, which has served only as it ever does - to be to my demise, but yet I just sat myself down last night and had good, long, overdue praying-time. I pray in the mornings, but I'm not quite clear-headed and still a little drowsy then. The 'conversational' prayer during school is not quite the same, y'know? God is so many things - The Father, the Son, the Brother, the Spirit that in dwells, Creator, Caretaker, Judge, full of wrath but full of love...ah!

I also happen to be excruciatingly interested The Giver it makes want to cry and sing all at once - cry because of the sadness with which that society has embroiled (more vocab. words!) itself by choosing Sameness but I want to sing and be joyful because we have not relinquished those things! Hurrah for risk and pain and sorrow! Hurrah for love and peace and joy and even conflict! Hurrah for life well and fully lived!

5/17/05

2005-05-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

First the important news: ONLY SEVEN DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT!!! (not counting the weekend)

Second important news: I survived handing out yearbooks! It really wasn't mass chaos as previously anticipated; only a small measure of chaos. Like when people don't remember that "C" doesn't come in between "T-Z."

It was actually kind of fun, I got to ask people for IDs and signatures and stuff. It does get confusing when several people are practically chucking their driver's license at you and glaring because you haven't got a super-sonicly fast person grabbing their personalised yearbook from the box in the exact amount of time they would like.

A happy part of the experience was looking out the window after the line cleared up a bit and seeing Abe staring at me and then trying to communicate with random hand signals and writing on the back of a piece of paper - until he figured out he could just walk in and talk to me o.O After it was all over we walked to my Spanish class hand-in hand...I SEE THAT JUJMPING TO CONCLUSIONS LOOK! It was really only to freak out people, especially his friend Zach.

Write more insightful thigns later/tomorrow! Love.

listing

2005-05-01T19:12:00.000-07:00

I feel like listing things right now, I don't really know why, but this is my blog after all, haha.

Languages I want to learn-
French
Elvish/Elven (probably the Quenya dialect first)
Italian
Irish Gaelic
Latin

Places I want to go-
(let's start with everywhere...)
Ireland
California
England
France
Israel
India
Middle Earth

Things I want to be able to do-
go to a U2 concert
martial arts/yoga
make smoothies
compile a book of my poetry
write a novel
write a cookbook
buy fair-trade, eco-friendly clothes
buy all organic food and never set foot in a Wal*Mart (or similiar) again [unless its an emergency or something...]

rawr

2005-04-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

Ah, the attempts at fixing the blog are still going ill, its so very tedious. I may call in reinforcements from Doug or some other computer-wise person or other...

I got a letter (or, rather, my parents got a letter) from the school today that I had won some "Departmental" Award, which is pretty groovy because apparently only one teacher can nominate one student or something. But, like, the letter didn't tell me which teacher nominated me or which department it was! Ugh, we have to go to this awards ceremony thing...Chris will probably berate me by saying I'm being "artsy" or a "martyr" but I've always really thought awards assemblies were annoying. I don't even like my [head] principal and I have to get my picture taken with her, its just that she doesn't know who I am, except for my editorials and the brief encounter in the Journalism room, she doesn't know that I have this little square of cyberspace upon which I can almost wantonly cast my thoughts, I don't even know if she cares, I'm sure she does, but she's never out among the students (third nine weeks the first time I had seen her the whole year!!). She doesn't really make contact, she just doesn't connect. Or maybe I'm just not in the places she is when she is there? But I guess that, in the end, getting awards is cool and it does make Mom and Dad happy, so it makes me happy. I may even get this cool style of skirt (gasp! I never thought I'd utter those words orally or in writing...) that I've seen, hard to describe but really neat and not constricting or ugly.

Mom is threatening to make me start wearing foundation because she says it will help my complexion. I'm sure her wisdom of years is correct but I simply am loath to begin wearing makeup. Makeup is a mask that people hide behind because they have been told that they are not pretty the way they are and that this product is the only thing that will make them so! I'm a teenager, blemishes come with the package! The proactiv stuff works so well, but for some reason Mom changes her mind about all this stuff constantly. I just have to make sure I'm extra consistent and careful when I put it on. Its just so vexing, this make up thing! Its also really odd, what daughter resists her mother trying to get her to wear make up? But, I'm not really looking for the norm, and I know that my mother isn't of the norm. I'm going to be looking for natural remedies for acne and hopefully (if they work) it will appease her, if not I'll probably have to submit until I'm in college.

Ah, college...it brings up some many questions like "Where do I want to go? What will be my major? How do I decide? When should I decide?" I would be THRILLED to go to school in Europe, it wouldn't have to be Ireland though that would be unspeakably desirable. I want to just be an author/poet for my living, I'll live dirt poor - Dad laughs and shakes his head at my high ideals, ethics, and principles, but atleast for now I will NOT be giving thought to leaving them by the wayside! Less is indeed more, I have no/little desire to live in "comfort" ... so much of the world is impoverished...I want to help those around me, and those far away. I want to make a difference! Indeed, I want to save the world! Fortunately, that job was taken by Someone far more qualified than yours truly. I know that real change begins when you yourself are changed - then like the proverbial ripples in a pond the effect becomes reality.

I don't know why everyone says that our dreams can't come true, they say we have to sell out at some point. Maybe we do, but we never have to give up those things that are the core of our being! I sorrow because my Dad didn't get to live his rock star dream, but he is MY rock star, my mentor, my caretaker, my entertainer, my pillow, my protector, my teacher, my discpliner my DADDY! And the Rocker's daughter will pursue her dreams so far as God allows and wills.

Category: Elizabeth's frustrations of daily life

here I am

2005-04-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

sigh...exhale...leaning back...blogging commences

As you can see, the blog is redone, but I need to reinsert links and stuff, the idea I had isn't working I guess because of the set up of the CSS or whatever stinking computer language this thing is written in! But I shall overcome!

Its only 4 minutes until bedtime, so I can only share one thought with you, my blog reader. I hope it comes out as articulately as I have been imagining it:

I have known for a long time, and often ruminate upon, this fact: I am not solely comprised of atoms, or tissues, or muscles or tendons...I am not electrons or electric signals or whatever being sent throughout a nervous system. I am fully aware of my being, that this body is not the total essence of me: I am much more than the sum of my parts. I know that the world would go on if I were not, or naught. But I am viewing it, and I know I am viewing it, and I know that, again, this body this thing that God ordained my spirit (or should I say "I"?) live inside for this human experience is not *me* it is, indeed, a tent, One day, it will be torn down and I will go to meet my Creator face to face and live in His mansions. I glory in my humanity, and I do not think it is always to a sinful end. We are created in His image, what a great thing! It gives hope and meaning to everything, even though we are fallen and depraved and utterly confused with our upper parts up our hind parts half the time. Ah! The majesty of life, of humanity, its dignity (as iMonk wrote of earlier) that are brought to fullness in Christ! I know I sound "churchy" or something but I don't really care. I am content in the core of who I am, I don't have to wear black or activist buttons to be who I am, though those may somehow be outward expressions of it. I am learning to step back, and not hurry so much, I want to savour all of life, even the sorrows, you know? Because, even in the midst of my hurts I know I am alive because I do feel, and it is glorious.

note that theological correctness is probably not ot be found in the above post..

peace in Christ

new blog layout

2005-04-27T14:51:00.000-07:00

RAWR! I've been trying to redo this blog, and gggrrr...it is NOT working. I'll post my travails and such later, aiight?

The Most Wonderful Time

2005-04-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

Ah, this weekend has been like "honey on my lips" everything has been sweet and at ease, gliding by like golden shafts of light.

Dad's gig was awesome (as usual, he's so talented...), and Mom bought The Garden Of Vegan! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!! She said it was for good grades <3 Matt & Kelly (Chris' friends) came, as well as Larry, Nate, and a bunch of other people. It was so cool because matt & Kelly are vegans!! So, Doug & I aren't the only vegans on this rock. Kelly and I talked about veganism and cooking and such, t'was groovy. The love the Taj, as well, so you know that means they're right on. :P

Then, about 11, I went home with Chris & Bonnie, I gave him the Vegan Planet book, he was happy, I think, but I think he was happier about the lembas I made him. Teehee. How awesome is Chris? He (this was his birthday week, mind you!) bought me a U2 poster AND Zooropa! Who else has a brother like that? Anyone? Nope! It's official: Chris is the best brother. Ever. (Well, I guess Jesus would be the best older brother...but klets not get into technicalities!!) Despite his faults (blatant or latent; and we all have'em) he is kind, thoughtful, and smart. He has insight and compassionate heart, he can be gruff but its only because he loves you and wants you to stay on the straight and narrow way.

Today was odd, but fun. Dad wasn't feeling so hot, so he stayed home from church. As we pull in (after our weekly Jamba Juices) we see the body pillow, cushion, and blanket out on the washer. That means only one thing: the cat (Kelly) peed on the sofa! The next thing I know, we're at -insert furniture store name here- buying a couch and chaise lounge! It absolutely loathe the colour and pattern (green and white gingham/checkboardish), but its comfy. While Mom and Dad picked it up and took it home, I stayed with the Grandparents, and ate macademia nuts for the first time! Where has my life been?! Anyway, this is a pointless and rare post, be prepared for rants and laments next week!

shalom

PS: redid the spice rack again..

Politics is Killing Me

2005-04-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

Hm, what to write about today? politics. politics is always a nice provocative thing to write about, aye?

I wonder what affiliation I'm so supposed have in that scenario. Liberal? Conservative? Neither really fit. Communist? Anarchist? Maybe they fit. iMonk recently described liberalism as "tyranny at the point of a gun" (or I recently read that, who knows how long ago he wrote it) I certainly don't believe in that. If communist means people sharing all things in common, of their free will, not fencing lands, etc. I like that. If anarchism means people are free from oppresive, traditional governments - the absence of state and self governance, then I like that. Let's combine the two. My ideal political situation would be people living communally, sharing things (all of this of free will) with services and goods not being purcahsed with currency, but everyone relying on each other, trading goods for goods or services for services. I envision an agricultural society, but I love cities aswell, but this politics, not Elizabeth's utopic dreamlands. In this political situation government would be not. No nation or state, no border, no military, a truly global world. Schools would be run by people who really do love teaching and there would be colleges like that to, but vocational education would be encouraged.

Do liberal or conservative match that? I doubt it. THe parties (Democrat & Republican primarily) are self-obsessed and steeped in bureaucracy, the Revolutionary spirit that freed this country from Great Britain has long been ground to a halt. Revolution, its always being called for, if it happens it gets entangled in its self, if humans could overcome that (thats a huge IF), we would be a mobile (politically) society. Since my ideal sociey is hard to reach, goernment would be like a ball, rolling as generations will it, but never convinced of its infallibility or how necessary it is.

In lighter news, Chris has a blog now! Is it a sign of the apocalypse? So, check out his bloggation, and get more religious, theological, spiritual, and emotional rants! maybe you can began taking notes on our similiarities and differences. If anyone has been looking at my food log, it has new name and layout, but the link has been fixed on this page, so no worries.

I want to figure out how people can leave comments again...

iMonk

2005-04-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading this article by iMonk (aka Michael Spencer). Wow.

First, let me say that part of me wants to go "Lo! Hail the Mighty iMonk! He speaketh the Truth, and Truth alone!" but that is not right - because God is what inspires his writings, and he has veen said that he is still a depraved sinner as I. In that imperfection, I cannot praise him because I am called to follow the only Perfect God, manifested visibly in Christ and spiritually in the Holy Spirit/Holy Ghost.

I feel with most parts of that article totally intune with him - no doctrine, set theology, workbook, or theologian. Nor any internet blogger. Devotional books do not cut it - and I cannot limit God to my finite imagings, there is more, so much more, of God, as Bono writes "I knew much more then, than I do now" I remember times as a flaming...odd person, I had crusades against Eminem and Bill O'Reilly was only a bit less that Jesus. I had a "witness" on my AOL signatures, and I roared and snarled on message boards over abortion (and homosexuality, maybe?). Now, I see all that snarling brought no glory to the King, Yahweh. It set the stereotype of the angry, stuck in the mire Christian. Why am not among the damned? Why did God choose me? But even those questions are inane, because it is that God has for some reason chosen me, and that is his infinite wisdom to have done so, and to sustain me.

My pain is that I never feel "God" I love the emotion! I love the tears! Let the guitar woo into surrender...but its only like eating peanut butter bread - it fills for awhile then I'm hungry again, and need more nutrition than that, anyway. Real tears are better, really breaking the spirit is better. Like iMonk, I'm wandering out into the Holy Wild, all this a section of the journey, the middle stretch, and I have eternity to go.

4/10/05

2005-04-10T15:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday afternoon, Dad's making weird sounds on the couch, but I know he's just trying to be entertaining and all. I love my Dad, and my Mom, so much. But I'm increasingly convinced that we all border on insanity :P

gah, boys are so silly sometimes, Chris and Doug are having, I guess I can't say a "fight" because its not, but they're having something that isn't positive. Two other people I love, I hope they both can get through this stuff soon, its so terrible and terribly useless, but I suppose I'm not really privy to the whole story. I guess its up to God, now.

Speaking of Chris, I talked to him today and he said he'd be fine with me buying Vegan Planet for him for his birthday-ness, yay! Dad says "he won't use it" but poo on him, I think Chris is serious, his problem has just always been not applying himself.

Hhhmm...that gets me thinking, maybe I could put together a vegan package for him, maybe a list of hidden animal ingredients, nutrition info. sources, other books to look at, and a basket of lembas? Sounds like an idea! See, I guess blogs are good fer sumfink. And information on organic foods...oh yeah! this ish rocking!

hhhmm, maybe I'll consult the vegetarianism board on this...

:)

2005-04-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

yay!! I have a new layout, I suppose it's a bit plain, but I like it. I love the overlapping boxes 'n such.

I made cabbage poriyal and aloo gobi for dinner - yummmmmmm....so good. I think I'll be making lembas tonight. The recipe I have doesn't include what Tolkien says about lembas, no honey, etc. but i figure I should try it the way t'is written before I try and augment it. Though, I'm thinking of using ¼ cup of honey and coconut milk :D

not a lot to say, just fooling around on the silly computerness...

Big Decision, sort of.

2005-04-02T13:54:00.000-08:00

Well, I've come to a decision rather suddenly today. I've decided to eat honey again. (ack! stay back, vegan police, as I explain!) here are some short reasons

-I enjoy honey
-I think it is a natural food, it has been eaten since (before?) Biblical times.
-Its unique flavours cannot always be substituted by maple syrup (which is yumm-ation in its own right)

This, I suppose, has been brought on since I was looking at recipes for lembas, and reading some of the things about what we "know" about it from the books (Lord of the Rings, for those who are totally lost). There are so many varieties of honey, as well, I intend to eat organic, natural, wild honey and feel good about it! I will, still, call myself a vegan, though I guess technically I'm an apian, but considering how many people have heard of vegans, even fewer will have heard of apians? I think in official introductions to things I'll note that I eat honey (if its applicable, y'know).

I'm not saying its right or wrong to eat honey, it is a petty thing anyway. In my opinion, I don't think I'll be harming any animals in my consumption of honey - and it does not discomfort me in the least, in the past, it was only because I knew it wasn't "vegan." So, yeah, pointlessness, but this is my blog. I really shouldn't feel bad about things like that...

On a different note, I've been reading The Book of Lost Tales - Part I and I'm in the middle of one of the original drafts of the Music of the Ainur, I love that. It's ike reading Genesis, but for a different world, time, and people. I know that God's Word doesn't need help with relevance, but this poetic work of literature always helps to remember things about God I probably desentize myself to at times, like the fact that no matter how hard the Evil in this world tries to harm and subvert the ways of God and His People, it can only fall into line with His plan, for His Eternal Glory. And the life is, indeed, not limited to these tents, this skin, this thing in which our souls are kept.

Big suprise...

2005-03-29T18:01:00.000-08:00

You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.

Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.

Christianity

83%

Buddhism

67%

Judaism

50%

agnosticism

42%

Paganism

33%

Islam

29%

Hinduism

29%

Satanism

atheism

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

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not a big suprise, but it is radically different from the first time a took it earlier today! I was 38% paganism and 38% judaism, I forget the Buddhism the first time. But it's still a groovy quiz.

I saw What Dreams May Come last night, its a deep movie, very well done, love the visual effects. Regardless of the theological accuracy, its a beautiful story of love and finding you soulmate. A really good movie to watch whenever you want to see something beautiful.

Not a lot to mutter about today, except for that 5:20 AM arrival time at school on Friday, ick! I'll be so half-asleep...I suppose I can sleep on the bus...rambling...boredom...shalom

Chocolat

2005-03-18T19:49:00.000-08:00

mmm, just watched Chocolat (it was on A&E), for the second time. That movie is great, IMHO. I suppose that what I learn from it may not be wholly seen by a non-believer, or it may be seen, but perhaps in a different light. You see, it conveys to me that you 1) cannot be changed by any outside/human 2) you cannot measure yourself by what you do not do, by who you judge unworthy to be part of your cliqué, by what you deny yourself (ouch for me, the proud vegan...), or anything akin to that.

I don't know about me future, at times, like this morning, I said I shall never marry if it means foregoing the relationships I have with the opposite sex, I shan't even date if it comes to that! And even as I feel that way, I dream of raising children, and how nutty I mother I'd make, and if I would accidentally impose upon my children my beliefs about everything, and thus disenchant them to what I know is Truth, and some of my superfluous values and such. I fancy that I love people to much to give myself over to only one other person, but maybe I fear being hurt? I don't want to grow up, not in the way that the world seems to expect. I don't want to be an old fart who is concerned about propriety (not that it doesn't have a place at times), what everyone else thinks, etc. Life is so shortly lengthy, there's some much time, yet never quite enough, I can't waste a moment of this life, and its far too much of a waste of time to become old and hard because then ye have to be revived just before you drown in the feces and dross of your self-imposed "rules" that are not based in God, I have enough trouble now, fighting the negative parts of my "rebellion." I will follow Jesus, the Lord, through anything, but I detest the idea of becoming stagnant.

Is it wrong to be proud of ... of ... living, just the fact that you are alive, and want to celebrate it?

Found Neverland

2005-03-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

Ah, I saw Finding Neverland yesterday. I really loved it. It evoked thoughts of how those who do things differently, who love unconditionally, and who might act out of that love can be come under suspicion because those things are so adverse to the norm, which seems to have a constant mantra of "Look out for #1 first, and everyone else 5th, or screw everyone else, now that I think of it." I want to find someone like "James Barry" as portrayed by Johnny Depp, perhaps I am like that character, but maybe not, I feel a certain kinship with him. If there is anyone in the world that is sinner as I am, but still displays those qualities, I hope they are given to me, even for awhile, so that I might know and love them fully.

Really, everyone in the cast was muy bien in their roles, and, of course, Johnny was spectacular. I definitely recommend it - but no need to trek out to the germ-infested movie theatre (for you faint of heart), it comes out on DVD on the 22nd of this month. I would tell you, though, that to find your own Neverland, you must create it. Or create it along with others - Neverland might have a different name and look for you, but they are still the same, because they let you play. But play is always out there, don't stop pretending, don't lose your spark. I've decided to ensure that I never block the symbolic oxygen from that flame, God will give me words, and they will perhaps come from the world, from life, from nature, who knows from whence they will come, but, as long as God wills, I'm sure I will have those words.

I'm going to go search for groovational things to do tomorrow that doesn't involve drinking pints of Guiness!

Ní geal an gáite ach san aít a mbíonnan biadh! (Laughter is loudest where the food is best!)

More Footsteps..

2005-03-14T13:44:00.000-08:00

Hooray! Don't yah love the layout? I did, of course, get the original from www.blogskins.com, but I did edit it, and I learned how to muck around in javascript without messing things up too badly.

First day of spring break...home, alone, with nought but the (sleeping) pets and Spectacular Ireland for company. But, Mom will be off the rest of this week (yay!) so I won't be cooped up like a wild animal in a cage (which is how I feel after a few days of solitude in my house, which begins to feel tiny very quickly). What have done today? Well, I slept in until about 8:25ish, then did the normal morning thing, read me Bible, ate breakfast, etc. I did yoga and worked out all the kinks in me skeletal structure that were getting rather annoying. Hopped on the computer around 10:00 (maybe?) and started working on the current graphic, that you can see to your, left or is is that my left? is the same on computers? Bah.

I also made bread today, then, when it was done around 1:45 I had to fight with the blockish little baking insert thing for fifteen minutes until the bread would actually come out of the pan! The King Arthur flour I bought is wreaking havoc on my loaves, so it seems. They come out very small and seem to like the comfort of the hot pan. Maybe its an omen to start making yeast-free via the oven? I actually did work up a sweat though, I was pounding on the freakin' insert so hard, I only tend to get really angry with inanimate objects...

so, it is in this state I sit, attempting not to slump, typing this blog entry for all the world (hopefully) to see. If this site has bored you, check out something fun like www.miniclip.com or www.yahoo.games.com (or something to that effect).

P.S.: Someone IM me! so bored!

2005-03-12T14:08:00.000-08:00

Touch me Bono! Touch me!

Okay, that's what it looks like to me, but it was the best picture that Yahoo! news thing had of him, the rest were blurry or just not very good shots.

Edun [Ali Hewson's new ethical clothing line (for those who don't know, Ali is Bono's wife)] was launched yesterday, which is awesome because it's fair trade and somewhat organic, but, yikes! The cheapest thing I saw advertised [http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/search/EndecaSearch.jsp?] was a $58 T-shirt! Sheesh! We should write letters or something! Okay, maybe not..maybe if this style of doing business multiplies, there will be more competition and then prices will go down so we can actually, you know, support fair trade without living in the poorhouse.

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Last night, I was in the middle of making oatmeal cookies when Chris calls, he calls three times while I'm still trying to get the dough baked off, finally, I find out he wants me to spend the night with him! w00t! See, Dad had a gig and he and Mom needed some Mom-and-Dad time, and we don't get hang out as much as we'd probably both like, but he came and picked me up and we went to the park, we swang [I know, probably not a real word] and talked, we always talk a lot, I get to stretch my theology-muscles around him, and learn things and other good stuff like that. We went to "Café Escondido" for a late cena with Josh, but my burrito (basically a flour tortilla with beans inside...and people wonder why I don't like "Mexican" food?) was $7! I [courteously] informed the people [via the comment card] that the food was too expensive, and that more veg*n options would be greatly appreciated, but our waitress was sweet and let us sit and talk fo almost 2 hours, total, I think, so...then, we went to Barnes & Noble, they never have Garden of Vegan in stock! So frustrating. Anywho, we wound up in the music section and I started using the little gismos that let you listen to clips of songs, I listen to some Los Lonely Boys and Sister Hazel, and I really dig them, they're rock but not crass (that I've heard) like Green Day, I listened to the bit of "American Idiot" that the machine plays. Firstly, the guy "sings" so fast you can hardly understand what he's saying, with the exception of "American Idiot" and "f***!" Or something like that. Craziness, I mean, I can't be against protesting something via music, but when you can't even do it artfully or well? Eh, whatever. No one listens to me.

shalom

at the end of today

2005-03-10T18:09:00.000-08:00

Woo! Three nine weeks test gone, finito! Spring Break draws closer, this time tomorrow, I'm a free woman - er, girl. Today was pretty cool, I think I aced the Algebra exam, and science was good, ______ History was a snap, but Spanish! We had to write a composition today about our childhood, unfortunately, I can hardly remember my childhood - not since I was Saved, its all blurry with only a few random memories and painful ones standing out the most, kinda stinky, actually.

Got an e-mail from Meghan today, I knew that her paganism trip would start to divide us, I hope we can maintain our friendship - I mean, I can't really hold her as close as I once dead, I need people to build me up, not tear me down, but I still love her. With my preface yesterday of my belief in Christ, you (the reader) can probably understand my feelings about her choice to follow pagan "gods." But you know, you can't just tell someone "you're going to hell!" and spit in their face, Jesus didn't do that! To say "you're going to hell" assumes that they will never be turned from their wicked ways, that they will continue in darkness until they die, and hence you seem to say that God will not intervene (for He is the only one who changes things), ever. I am angry at her sin, but my love for her is great! Alas, for this life with its sorrow, but its joy that is given - oh my, the ecstasy of life...okay, mumbling now.

HHhmm, change of subject, I love bread. The bread I make, toasted and smothered in peanut butter...MmMmMmmmmm....I ate two slices today. For dinner, I ate three oranges and two cups of peas, yeah, I eat random things a lot. I love green peas! So delicious and hot but cool inside when cooked to perfection. The bag says to boil them for almost 10 minutes! By then, they be little overcooked mushy balls!

to begin...

2005-03-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

here I am with another blog; promising myself I'll use it faithfully and and not forsake it, that I won't feel bad for making random posts, and all that. For those of you who don't know me and have just tuned into this latest forum of my thoughts and actions, I am Elizabeth.

Primarily, I am a follower of Christ, a person of the Way. I don't like to attach the term "Christ" to myself, as I am woefully fallen short of Him, but I forget that often, and even oftener it is easiest to use the term "Christian" just so people don't get confuzzled. I think a lot, I read, question, and talk, or just listen. I love the rock band U2, I'm looking to expand my tastes in music...but I inevitably fall back on them.

I am a bard, a poet, an author, a [psuedo-]journalist, I like words and books and artful, archaic languages, and foreign tongues, though I speak only a minute amount of Spanish.

I am a vegan: [ideally] I do not eat any meat, meat by-products, dairy, eggs, or honey. I also [attempt] to use as few animal-derived products like wool, leather, fur, etc. and whatever nasties turn up in hygiene stuff, but no one's perfect, I'll never be totally pure in this respect.

I'm tired right now, so I'll shut me proverbial trap and leave you with this thought,

The foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called, but God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty. And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are.

1 Corinthians 1:25-28